Ask Dr. Sharon

Dear Dr. Sharon, I recently gave birth and now my guy seems not into me anymore. How can I get him back in the mood? Signed, New Mom

Dear New Mom, Congratulations on being a new mom! After a woman has a baby, her mate may see her in a different role (i.e., that of a mother, rather than as a sexual partner). It may be difficult for a man to see his mate in both roles. This can cause some issues for men, such as viewing their mate as a mom, rather than a sexual partner, which can be a difficult transition.

After childbirth, a man can also be afraid to initiate sex, as he may feel that he will hurt his mate, especially if his mate had a vaginal delivery with an episiotomy or a C-section. Your mate may be waiting for your lead to let him know that it's OK to have sex.

Also, after giving birth, the mind as well as the body goes through a major transition. Hormones are surging, which actually send out signals to keep away. So, the bottom line is that you should initiate a discussion with your mate, expressing how much you miss having intimacy and sexual contact between you. This will lead to discussion as to why he may not be responding to you the way he used to respond.

You may also try to initiate a romantic encounter, such as a candlelit bubble bath, or a romantic dinner, which may lead to a sexual encounter. Although you are a mom, you are also a spouse or partner to your loved one. It is important to get alone time to renew your relationship.

The most important thing is to keep the lines of communication open, as this will bring your relationship to another level, as opposed to guessing what your mate may or may not be feeling. Best of luck to you and your new family!

Email your questions to askdoctorsharon@yahoo.com

Sharon Fried Buchalter, Ph.D., is a distinguished clinical psychologist, family/marriage therapist, relationship expert and author.