Ask Dr. Sharon

Dear Dr. Sharon, I feel like my seven year old just doesn’t listen to me. She’s a good kid, but she has terrible listening skills and I’m worried this may affect her negatively later in life. Do you have any advice how I can help her get better listening skills? Signed, Bea in Boca

Dear Bea, Children are notorious for their “selective” listening skills. Often they hear what you’re saying, but they aren’t really listening. It is very important to help children develop good listening skills early. Good listening skills allow children to do better in school and to eventually succeed later on in life.

Luckily, there are ways you can help improve your children’s listening skills. Parents should keep the following in mind when working with their children:

• The more children practice listening, the better they will become at it. Engage your child in conversation as often as possible. They will learn much more from you then from the television.

• Teach your child to maintain eye contact when talking to or listening to someone.

• When you tell your child to do something, ask her to repeat the instructions.

• Read with your child. Practice reading out loud with your child and then talk about what you just read. Stop after each page and ask what your child thinks about what just happened, or what will happen next. This helps with listening skills and also with reading comprehension.

• For younger children, go to storytime together. Most libraries or community centers offer this for free and it is a great opportunity to listen to stories out loud together and then discuss it with your child afterward. For older children, you can do the same with movies, poetry readings, book clubs, etc. This can be a great opportunity for listening and also for bonding with your child.

• One of the best ways parents can teach their children to listen is to be good listeners themselves. Parents are their children’s best role models, so exhibiting good listening skills provides a good example for children to follow.

• Watch an educational show on TV or listen to a song together. Talk about it afterward and see what details each of you can recall.

• Open up the lines of communication between you and your children. Talk and listen to each other- the rest will fall into place.

• If you feel like you’re not making progress with your child and need additional help, please see a professional who can help determine if there is a problem.

Email your questions to askdoctorsharon@yahoo.com

Sharon Fried Buchalter, Ph.D., is a distinguished clinical psychologist, family/marriage therapist, relationship expert and author.