Ask Dr. Sharon

Dear Dr. Sharon, Our daughter and her family moved to Florida a few months ago and we’re thrilled. We have 2 grandsons and we’re getting along great. We’d like to arrange for them to sleep over, but I’m a little nervous, since we haven’t had small children stay over our house in quite a while. Do you have any advice for this grandma on how we can prepare for the visit? Signed, Boca Grandma

Dear Boca Grandma, Congratulations on your daughter and her family’s move to Florida. I’m sure you’re thrilled to have them near you. And it’s great to hear that your grandchildren will be near you. Having a close bond with grandparents can benefit children greatly. Grandparents can be wonderful role models for children and can provide them with additional unconditional love and support.

Before children start to have sleepovers with peers, practicing at their grandparents’ house can be very helpful. It can help ease the transition into peer sleepovers and can help children gain independence.

Grandparents often have a lot of time to dedicate to their grandchildren. This time can be well-spent doing enriching activities, such as reading, developing new skills, exploring, etc. Busy parents may not have the time to do all the activities they would like to with their children –grandparents are great for that; and the dedicated attention of grandparents can be great for children’s development.

A sleepover at grandma and grandpa’s house is also a great way for parents to recharge their batteries or to get a night alone to rekindle their romance. The children and grandparents will have a great time; and it also gives mom and dad a chance to get some well-needed rest.

When planning a sleepover with your grandchildren, the first and most important thing to keep in mind is safety. As grandparents, you may not be used to having young children in your house; so if possible, have the parents walk-through your home with you to check for potential safety risks. If a walk-through is not possible, use a safety checklist (which you can get online, from the library or from the parents), including potential hazards such as knives, sharp corners on end tables, chemicals under the sink, small objects that may pose a choking risk, etc.

If the parents are planning to be far away or gone for an extended period of time, they should consider signing a medical authorization form in which you, as the grandparents can authorize emergency medical treatment for your grandchild. It’s better to be safe than sorry.

The sooner you begin sleepovers, the easier the transition will be. Start with an overnight visit before easing into longer visits.

To prepare for the visit, there are a lot of things you can do to ensure a fun time for the kids and for yourselves:

- Make sure you have all of the children’s creature comforts of home (e.g., favorite teddy bear, blanket, etc.).

- Prepare a nightlight and a flashlight, as new environments might be a little scary for children.

- Check books out of the library (ask the children and the parents ahead of time what types of books they enjoy). A bedtime routine with a good book is very soothing to children.

- Ensure grandchildren that you are right down the hall and there if they need anything at all.

- Be sure you know of all food allergies and restrictions prior to caring for the children.

- Be yourselves. Love your grandchildren and they will feel that love of being wanted. They may not reciprocate instantly, but give them time to warm up.

- Try to enjoy yourselves. Kids can be great fun. Most grandparents say they enjoy grandparenthood better than parenthood because it’s a part-time job and they have more fun!

Email your questions to askdoctorsharon@yahoo.com

Sharon Fried Buchalter, Ph.D., is a distinguished clinical psychologist, family/marriage therapist, relationship expert and author.