Ask Dr. Sharon

Dear Dr. Sharon, I’m the proud mom of a 3 year old girl. She’s very smart and gets along great with other kids. I’m planning on sending her to Pre-K next year, but I’m getting so much pressure to send her to pre-school now. The problem is it’s very expensive and I feel like I’m doing as good a job as some of these pre-school teachers. Is it bad that I’m not sending my daughter to pre-school? How do I get nosy grandparents and friends from putting in their two cents?

First and foremost, remember that there will always be nosy people who try to tell you how to raise your children. The key thing to remember is that you need to do what is right for your family. Each child is different and every family’s budget is different. For many families, preschool can be very costly.

Although preschool has become increasingly popular; it is not absolutely necessary for children to attend preschool to be ready for kindergarten. If parents decide to opt out of sending their child to preschool, they should make sure that their child is exposed to activities where there are other children, so there is not as much shock when their child does go to preschool.

Parents and other caregivers can do a great job at providing meaningful and rich experiences for children. While there can be great value in preschool programs, such as teaching social and educational skills early on, there’s no reason why parents can’t expose their children to similar activities in an alternative fashion (e.g., gymnastics class, playgroups, one-on-one learning with the parent, etc.). There are many activities that cost little or nothing to attend, such as story time at the library, swim classes at the YMCA, local children’s events, etc. And the most important activity, which costs nothing at all, is quality one-on-one time with your child.

If a parent decides to send their child to preschool, they should ensure that it is a quality school with qualified teachers. This will ensure that children get off to a good start and have a positive attitude towards school. For parents who opt-out of preschool, be sure to provide your child with meaningful, quality learning and social experiences.

As for nosy grandparents and friends- my advice to you is to thank them for their input and politely tell them that you and your spouse have worked out a plan that suits your family’s needs. I wish you and your family the best of luck.

Sharon Fried Buchalter, Ph.D., is a distinguished clinical psychologist, family/marriage therapist, relationship expert and author.