The Happiness Answer

Don’t Hold Yourself Back

by David Pollay

I looked out my hotel window and I saw at least seven buildings with forty floors or more.  It was 6:00a.m., and I wondered how many people would work in those buildings that day.

After I showered and dressed, I walked through Times Square.  I looked around at all the people and thought, where is everyone going? 

When I arrived at Grand Central, there were thousands of people in the station:  They were getting off trains, boarding trains, and waiting for trains.  I wondered what they did for a living, and what their ambitions were. 

I bought a muffin and a cup of coffee in the station, and I sat down on a bench.  I watched everyone.  And then it hit me:  All the people I passed that day – and there were thousands – did not care about me, and they would not care about you either.

Now, let me clarify what I mean.  I believe that countless people would help us if we were in need.  I also believe that many people care about us spiritually; they feel connected to us even though they have never met us.  And I believe that people would be interested in us if we did something extraordinary, or we broke the law.  On many important levels, people are interested in us and what we do.

But in practical terms, most people do not care about us.  Why?  They do not know us, or they do not know us well.  They are not invested in our lives.  They do not care what we do for a living, what our dreams are, what we study, what we practice, and what we do every day. 

When we are honest with ourselves, there are not many people in the world who focus their attention on us every day.  People simply have to attend to their own lives to make them work; they do not have the luxury of worrying about someone they do not know very well, or at all. 

But, then why do most of us worry about “what other people think”?  Most of us go about our lives worried about what “everyone else thinks” about our dreams, careers, finances, relationships, and work.  We worry about failing in front of others.  We worry about not being good enough, or doing enough.  We worry about looking bad. 

But, would we worry if we were guaranteed that our potential failures would be kept private? 

The reality is that we practically have that privacy guarantee already:  Most of our successes and failures are unknown to the world.  Only celebrities – movie, music, sports, and political stars – have their lives examined on a daily basis for everyone to see.  The rest of us live in near anonymity. 

And this is good news.  It means we have freedom.  We have the flexibility to choose the path in life that is best for us.  We can experiment.  We can explore.  We can live our best possible life. 

And here’s something else important to note.  When people do become aware of our successes, they are mostly concerned with our results, not our journeys.  Some of us have to study harder, work longer hours, and make more mistakes along the way than the average person.  But, all of that is forgotten when we succeed.  The cameras flash when we are on the victory stand, not when we are on the practice field. 

So, the next time you want to make an important change in your life and you are afraid of what “others” might think, look outside your imaginary hotel window in New York City, walk through Times Square, stop in Grand Central Station, and remind yourself that your success or failure is your concern, and not the focus of the world.

David J. Pollay is a syndicated columnist with North Star Writers Group, creator and host of “The Happiness Answer™” television program, an internationally sought after speaker and seminar leader, and the author of “Beware of Garbage Trucks!™ - The Law of the Garbage Truck™.”  Mr. Pollay is the founder and president of TheMomentumProject.com, a strengths-based training and consulting organization with offices in Delray Beach, Florida and Washington, D.C.   Mr. Pollay is also the associate executive director of the International Positive Psychology Association (IPPA).  Email him at david@themomentumproject.com.